Elliot loved his hugs - but he seemed to love giving them more. He would wrap his arms and legs around you, pull you close and give you a beautiful hug with all his body behind it. Then he would pull away, look at me and smile - it's like he knew he'd made me … Continue reading Sometimes you just need a hug
Not sure what I am to myself - moments in recent days when I think I'm starting to get the hang of this looking after yourself and not getting wrapped up in your own negative thoughts. I was early this morning taking the dog for a walk and I realised all I could hear was … Continue reading Best friend or worst enemy?
I hate being given a label - put in a box. I guess I am replacing one label 'depressed' for another 'grieving' - but grieving for me, relates to something actual that happened that in turn has caused a whole range of devastating emotions and feelings. That doesn't mean that things that happen don't cause … Continue reading I’m not depressed, I’m grieving
Strange today, emotions at both ends of the spectrum. Hard to say how the day is going to end and how that will impact tomorrows waking up emotions. I shouldn't do that though - set things up in my mind - let my thoughts go off and plan ahead how I will think. I met … Continue reading The challengers within nature
I've loved today. Waking up is hard sometimes. I used to wake up and for a split second imagine that my life was how it was before Elliot died. That it would just be a normal busy family day and I'd imagine he was asleep in his bed in the next room. The realisation that … Continue reading The simplicity of life
It just happened. I knew parts of today had been a battle - my determination to keep the hope inside going was still pushing through the thoughts that were challenging whether I could make this work - whatever 'this' is. I did my first marathon in 2015, I'd signed up to do one in the … Continue reading Tears in the traffic
I had a day of meetings at work today. It wasn't a good start to the day, bad evening and night before. It is like you are on a treadmill sometimes - a treadmill of thoughts. Things just keep going on and on in your mind and all you want to do is press a … Continue reading Sunshine and trees
It's been a day of talking about loss. Not intentionally. I haven't been doing any charity training or meetings - it's been random conversations with others where they have talked about their grief as part of a 'normal' conversation. That doesn't happen very often but what struck me was the apologetic nature of their opening … Continue reading Grief isn’t a competition
Bad day I guess. But as bad days go it did edge towards the 'ok' side of bad rather than the dark side of bad - so still steps forward. I do think that you 'choose your attitude' and that can reflect how you approach your day. That doesn't mean that I set out to … Continue reading Letting the sky reflect the mood
So doing things differently can get confusing! I'm a black coffee person - five cups a day maybe. It keeps me awake, helps me juggle the many things going on in any one day and I guess having a mug of coffee in my hands is a bit like a security blanket for me - … Continue reading Green Tea, Coffee or Hot Chocolate?