There are many many ways we can start our day. Mine started in earnest when I left the house, juggling car keys, laptop, flask of coffee and bag. The first thing I always try and do is look up – watch the sky for a short moment before getting in the car ready for the traffic ahead.
Today was an amazing flash of ‘pink’ streaks amongst the light blue sky. Made me smile. I always try to look around, see what is there – rather than what’s not, what should be there but isn’t. Or rather, who.
I always dropped Elliot of at his childminders, that was my morning routine before heading into work. Then I’d be juggling his half eaten toast, his little Fireman Sam bag, nappies and toys in hand – not much time for making a flask of coffee and certainly no laptop as I tried to avoid working at night back then. I wanted all my time to be spent with the kids. Now, working at night sometimes helps me fill the emptiness of no bathtimes to do, no homework, no bedtime stories. Elliot’s brother and sister are now 17 and 19 so mums attention isn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s weird, I have time on my hands that I don’t really want.
So now, rather than focus on the sadness and emptiness of leaving the house alone, rather than dropping Elliot at school (he’d be 8 now), I lift my head and focus on the sky – just for a few moments each day – remembering that the universe keeps turning, regardless of what happens in our lives – life is bigger than us and all that. It doesn’t take the sadness away, but it helps to distract it for a tiny moment.
So that’s what I did this morning – lifted my head, saw the beautiful sky and stood a few moments with a smile. Loaded the car up, set off – then a loud thump – I stop and get out with that sense of panic that there is something wrong with the car – only to find my flask of coffee lying in the middle of the road – a large dent in it and coffee running down in a gentle stream.
In my moments of enjoying the sky I’d left my flask on top of the car and set off without realising it. A neighbour walking past gave me a sad smile and said ‘not the best way to start your day eh?’ I just smiled and said no but isn’t the sky beautiful? She hadn’t noticed she said and went on her way after a quick glance.
It was beautiful but in a small way I too wished I hadn’t noticed it – that I was where I felt I should be, wrapped up in the mad rush of getting kids out of the house to school and off to work – not feeling a need for distraction to do normal tasks.
But it is what it is and in any one moment we take what is there and do the best we can with it I guess. The sky was beautiful and I did get another coffee – and the day continued as it always does – with Elliot still deep in my heart, soul and memory.
The picture for today is a sunset picture I took in Northumbria a few years ago – not quite the pink streaks of today but those didn’t come out great on my phone and I love the colours of this photo.