Not sure what I am to myself - moments in recent days when I think I'm starting to get the hang of this looking after yourself and not getting wrapped up in your own negative thoughts. I was early this morning taking the dog for a walk and I realised all I could hear was … Continue reading Best friend or worst enemy?
I've loved today. Waking up is hard sometimes. I used to wake up and for a split second imagine that my life was how it was before Elliot died. That it would just be a normal busy family day and I'd imagine he was asleep in his bed in the next room. The realisation that … Continue reading The simplicity of life
It just happened. I knew parts of today had been a battle - my determination to keep the hope inside going was still pushing through the thoughts that were challenging whether I could make this work - whatever 'this' is. I did my first marathon in 2015, I'd signed up to do one in the … Continue reading Tears in the traffic
It's been a day of talking about loss. Not intentionally. I haven't been doing any charity training or meetings - it's been random conversations with others where they have talked about their grief as part of a 'normal' conversation. That doesn't happen very often but what struck me was the apologetic nature of their opening … Continue reading Grief isn’t a competition
I'm not thinking of a warm Barbados beach, New York or a mountain retreat. Right now I'm thinking - here at home as I am, sorting the out of date food in the depth of the freezer or would I rather be stood on a cold, rainy football touchline watching a game. It hurts. I … Continue reading Where would I rather be?
I said I'd give myself a month of writing. I'm not always good at sticking with things. Guess I get impatient and want instant results. Although I'm not sure what I was expecting to be a 'result' from writing this blog. I guess I was trying to meet a need to let words out and … Continue reading Doubts, fears and a hint of hope
I've always tried to be a 'glass half full', 'live your life as you don't know what's round the corner' sort of person. To the outside world anyway. What happens inside your own thoughts and emotions is a different thing sometimes. I've let very few people into the inner workings of me. It's never felt … Continue reading Hard to keep ‘positive’ going sometimes